IT'S BEEN A WHILE

some things have changed in my life.... i have re connected with my faith and it has been a rewarding journey.... i have spent a long time trying to figure out where i belong and what will make me feel better..... and it paid off.... my faith has kept me grounded and made me stronger..... not all at once, but gradually.....

I still struggle with inner emotions ..... i try not to let things get me down or get my feelings hurt.... it's hard when I look around me and am not sure I have even one person who will always have my back..... but i turn then to my faith in GOD and know he always has my back :)

My boys are growing up.... the baby is now 5 but still enjoys holding hands with his nana and giving me kisses impromptu.... the oldest is not so flexible... at almost 8 he want's no part of PDA, but has the most amazing way of showing him his love.... the other day he brought in my coat and said he loved it so much because it smelled just like me :)

SO MUCH HAPPENING

So the property went up for sale the first part of July and has been sold.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster since. I have cried, and cried, held a pity party, boosted myself up, let myself down and started all over again. In the end I am still the same person. Part of me want's to move, to start fresh somewhere else, the other part of me is having a hard time letting go of a house that I spend so many years in..... Tara and Jacob were brought to this house from the hospital.... Tara spend most of her growing up years in this house, the boys love playing in the yard..... I can take the memories with me ...
hopefully i can hang on until the first of the year.... if not, i will continue packing and sorting and crying and looking forward....

OH MY

So, a big slice of my heart is gone since my daughter and I are not really speaking.
To some degree my fault, I shouldn't burden her with my problems, but, I don't think I deserved the back lash from she or her husband. He was right to defend her,and i admire that but at the same time, hurtful things were said and i have forgiven but still trying to forget.... it's healing, day by day, i don't cry as much anymore,i am just sad....Will do all in my power to continue to see my beautiful boys as much as i can, i just am not ready to do the same for her or for him
Prayers,lots of them every day, that i can go on from this with or without them

APRIL

Spring is here, my favorite time of year. Everything is fresh and new, rains have come and gone and come and gone..

So much going on..... the boys are growing way too fast, now 6 1/2 and 4
Tara is still at home and the family seem's to be benefitting immensely in all areas.

Facebook has been so much fun for me... I am in touch with so many people and it is just a fun way to see what is happening in my friends and their childrens lives.

Real Estate school - hmmmm - still struggling with taking the test --- some more crash courses are needed before I take that plunge

Happily learning to meditate and calm my inner self

Reflection -

Hmmmmm so much to say and no words can describe it.....
Feeling better since I adopted my "mantra" of LGLG Let Go Let God!
as each day passes I repeat the mantra and calm my inner self that God has the master plan for all things and there is nothing I can do to change it
Worrying about what might be can not help, but preparing for what might come is always a good idea...

Winter blues

so Christmas is over, the New Year is approaching quickly (like 24 plus hours) I am not much on making resolutions so I won't again this year.......
I will try and practice Breathing In and Breathing Out, I will try and quit smoking (again)- I will try and be patient - I will try and see some good in everyone (I promise myself I will try)
The boys are growing too quickly ..... their Mom just turned 29 (oh how quickly those years have passed) I am for the most part Happy with the year 2009 and can't wait to see what happens in 2010.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

THE HOLIDAYS ARE NEARING

I have taken a new approach to the holidays and I feel much better about it. We have decided that gift exchanges are out and love and togetherness are in ... Home made gifts will do just fine, the boys will get their toys etc but the adults will abstain. Too many people broke and no sense in using credit cards just to try and put a smile on someone's face.... all over rated anyway....kids are important and I will fill their faces with gladness.....